It Has Been a Long Time

For those of you that have stuck around, thank you. 

Jeff on graduation day

Life has been more than crazy lately, it has been insane.  My son Jeffrey graduated from the Reddix Center in May.  He was excited for all of the attention but he is very sad about not being with his friends at the Reddix.  He has cried and begged me to let him go back to the Reddix.  (The Nellie Reddix Center in San Antonio, Texas. It is a public school for transition that students who have special needs can go until they are 22 years of age) How do you explain that he has to move on?  He doesn't understand that he is an adult.  When you ask him how old he is, he will always say he is 13. When we tell him he is 23 he keeps saying over and over that he is "just a kid". 



Jeff with his sister, Danielle, on the right
and good friend Alex on the left

He has started to settle in at the Arc of San Antonio.  Though it is not ideal, there is a great effort to make it sensory friendly and age appropriate.  This summer he started in a room that has no more than 10 adults with sensory issues.  They have computers, head phones, mats and other activities.  His teacher, Mike, is an amazing young man.  He has the patience of a saint.  The aide in his room is Rose.  Between these two people, Jeff is doing well.  But.. he still begs to go to the Reddix.  At the Reddix they had out of class activities daily.  At the Arc it is only once a month due to lack of transportation and staffing.  This has made Jeff very sad.  He loves to go on adventures. 

Jeff with his CAMP Buddy from
Summer 2012, June, who is a
pre-med student at Vanderbilt University

What we have been trying to do is to have Jeff involved in every CAMP activity possible.  CAMP (Children's Association for Maximum Potential) is a place we found when Jeff was nine years old. At first he just went one week each summer.   Now he goes each summer and each weekend that we can get him there.  He also goes to a program called TADA (Teen and Adult Day Adventure) Once a month he goes out with his CAMP buddies to a different social event (December is a dance at a local college) with CAMP teens and typical teens. 

Before I go further I want to let you know I work for CAMP.  I started in 2005, several years after my children started attending.  There are times I tell people I wish I did not work at there so I could tell them all about CAMP without sounding like a commercial.  Jeff has been going since he was nine, my daughter Danielle started at Sibling CAMP when she was eleven.  Danielle became a volunteer at fourteen and for the last three summers she has been the Camp CAMP Office Administrator.  My husband has even jumped in from time to time to help at check-in or wherever he can.

This has been a tough transition.  I am not sure we are through with it yet.  He begs me to go to the Reddix almost daily.  He also wants to go to "science school".  He loves science.. he gets that from his father.  Jim is a science teacher at an intermediate school.  Once I asked him he wanted to be a science teacher like his dad.  He thought about it for a minute and said, "No.. I want to be a substitute".  Smart Man! 

Not sure there will ever be an "end" to the transition. We have so many changes coming up in our lives, some we know about and many we do not.  What do we do about his future?  Where will we end up living?  Where will Jeff end up living?  So many changes coming that it is a little scary.  So I just hang on for the ride... not sure of the destination.

What To Do? Moving on Past Graduation

My son, Jeff has been saying he wants to be a science teacher and when you ask him more about it he will say quite clearly, "I want to be a substitute".  I tell people all the time, he is autistic, not stupid!  Problem is that unless there is a huge miracle somewhere, this cannot happen.  His behaviors are such that he can't even sit in class long enough for himself much less to teach others.  And what if he blows up at someone, I am sure the school district would not keep him around long as a teacher if he bit one of his students! 

Yesterday, he broke my heart.  We were talking about how this was his last year in school and going to the Arc of San Antonio next year.  He got a look of horror on his face and said, "NO.. I want to go to a science school".  How do you explain to a young person that he can't have his dream?  How can I make his dream come true?  I tried to explain that I could not find a science school and he was having no part of that... he just looked at me and begged me, "Please Mom, I want to go to a science school".

For the first time in a very very long time I cried about my son having autism.  I accepted his diagnosis years ago and rarely even have a tear, even when his sister graduated from high school and he did not nor while his sister plans her wedding, and he will probably never get married.  You come to those times that other children and young adults his age are moving on with their lives, making careers and relationships and I just have to say that Jeff's path is different, unique.

But this time I cried because he WANTS to be like his peers, he wants to do something after school besides going to a glorified babysitter all day, every day.  He wants a useful job and more education but I can't give it to him.  You want to give your children the world, but I can't give Jeff this one small thing, a life that he desires. 

I am sad and frustrated, but I am not giving up.  I think I will go to the junior college nearby and see if he can audit a science lab if I am right there with him. My husband is a science teacher and he is going to ask if Jeff can come to school with him from time to time.  Those are some options, but there has to be more.. if someone wants to learn and wants to be active in our world.. shouldn't we find a place for him?  Just wondering...